The Cost of Following Christ.....

  Upon waking up yesterday, I sat down with my cup of coffee and read the 14th chapter of Luke.  In the midst of rubbing my eyes to push the sleepiness away, the words began to grip my heart.  I remembered reading this exact passage for the first time when I was just 16.  I had recently come to the realization that being a Christian was far more than just praying a prayer and having the security of knowing that I would spend eternity in heaven.  That year was one of transformation for me as I began to walk with Christ daily, understanding for the first time that this was a journey.  Every day an excitement would rise to the surface because I would be spending those hours with one who completely loves me.  I had no idea what the future held in store, but I was excited for the adventure.  A childlike faith filled me and I believed wholeheartedly that though I would come face to face with obstacles, God would get me through each one by His tender love and grace.  I know verses 25-35 are some of the most difficult in the Bible, especially when Jesus states, "Anyone who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."  As a teenager those words pumped my heart with excitement.  Jesus was issuing a challenge to me and I was ready to accept that challenge, come what may.  I would often tell Him that I would follow Him anywhere and do anything.
  I'm writing this 12 years later, having experienced the storms and great tests that life presents, evaluating my initial commitment I made to Christ.  Our walk together has been more of a climb up a steep mountain at points, especially recently.  It sounds a little like this:

Jesus: I want you to come with me on an adventure to West Virginia!

Me: Why West Virginia?  You've given me such a heart for Asia and I'm feeling pretty comfortable here in Minnesota now.  Are you sure about this?

Jesus: Yes, just trust me.  I won't steer you in the wrong direction.  I know what I'm doing.

Me: (a little hesitantly) okay

Jesus, filled with joy wraps me in a tight embrace and then places my hand in His strong one and I walk into the unknown, alongside of my best friend.

Me: Jesus, I love it out here in West Virginia, but sometimes I get lonely for my family and friends that are scattered throughout the U.S.  And sometimes I just want my own husband and kids right beside me.  Can we speed this process up?

Jesus: Rest in me, Sweet One.  I'm writing a beautiful story, better than you can imagine.  Let me line up all of the details.  It will all come together when the time is right.  In the meantime enjoy what each new day has to offer.  You'll never get this time back.

Me: Jesus, money is a little tight right now.  I know you care about this area in my life and you've proved time and time again that you are able to provide.  What should I do?

Jesus: Trust me, I've got this under control!!  I want you to put $25 in the offering plate on Sunday.

Me: But God, are you sure.  I still need to buy groceries.  That sounds like a lot of money.

Jesus: Don't worry, I've got this!! (confident smile on his face)

Me: Okay, I'll do it.  I know somehow you're going to come through for me!

Later that day I came home to a box of groceries from an anonymous person.  Then a lady I barely know gave me a card with a $50 bill inside and I received a babysitting job that weekend where I earned $125!  I couldn't believe God's amazing generosity towards me!

Then the unexpected happened.  My lovely sister, Josie, who meant the world to me passed away.  Filled with questions, grief, and every emotion imaginable I returned to MN.  As I spent time in the company of friends and family, I wondered if maybe I should just move back and get a job and be near to my family.

Jesus: If anyone comes to me and does not hate (love less) his father, mother, wife, children, brothers and sisters-yes even his own life- he cannot be my disciple.  Katie, have my plans for you changed?  I know you're hurting, but are you going to choose your family over me?

Me: Ouch.....that hurts Jesus.

The words that had once filled me with excitement, now were being thrown at me and a bitter taste rose in my mouth.  Could I once again accept the challenge, though my world had been rocked and I just wanted to hide out for awhile?  The moment of decision had arrived.  A crossroads stood before me.

Me: (in a weak and shaky voice) I choose you Lord.  You are my life.  I don't ever want to part from you, but I'm going to need a lot of help.  This seems so hard.  Remind me constantly that you're near.

Jesus: (in a voice full of tenderness) You don't have to worry about that.  I've got a tight grip on you and I'm not letting go.  I love you Katie!!  You are mine!!  I'm so proud of you!!

  12 years of walking daily with Jesus and I can say with confidence that whatever comes my way, I will never be shaken.  He is more than enough for me!!  I love this life we're living together, hardships and all.  What a privilege to walk with Him.  That Jesus would invite me is astounding!!  Every storm we've come through, I've seen His beauty and strength more and more so.  His tight embrace, allows me to rest easily, knowing that He has things under control.  All I can say is thank you!!