Before and After

One day, it seems like ages and ages ago, a young woman, courageously left home and family and stepped into an unknown adventure. She boiled over with excitement at the thought of what was to come. International locations, feeding the hungry, caring for the sick, playing with orphans on the side of the road; these are the images she carried in her imagination. Little did she know what her Father had in store for her. You see, behind those starry eyes, in the very depths of her being, lay a heart bruised in places, shattered in other spots. A fear camped out there often, paralyzing her steps, silencing her voice. Her Father had eyes to see more than just the poor and impoverished. He saw the pain of His daughter and He brought her on a journey of healing.
That girl described was me. At 20 years old I boarded a plane, destined for Texas, fully anticipating a life changing adventure and yet having no idea what I was getting myself into. I had registered to do a Discipleship Training School (DTS) at the Youth With a Mission (YWAM) base in Garden Valley, TX. I remember clearly our first night at the base. Every Sunday night all of the staff and students would gather together and worship God and pray and share testimonies. Sometimes missionaries from other nations would come and tell us about what God was doing in their neck of the woods. Anyways, on that particular evening, they had all of the new students come onto the stage and say their name and where they were from. I felt my stomach do flips at the thought of speaking in front of this crowd, even for only five seconds. Then in the classroom with the other 11 DTSers, there I sat, not wanting to speak much, hoping not to draw too much attention to myself. I had been hurt before in this setting and tried to avoid a repeat at all costs. During the 3 months that followed, God brought me back to my darkest hours and showed me where He was when I felt my world caving in. When I had cried, He held me, shedding His own tears. The staff members in my school helped lead me down a path of forgiveness towards those who spoke words that crushed me. I drew closer to God and heard Him singing songs of love over me. He cut those chains of fear off my life and set me free. I never knew freedom could taste so good. I was no longer just reading the Bible, but it was speaking to my heart on a very personal level. Hope started to flourish within me as I experienced God's transforming power in my own life. By the time those first 3 months ended, I felt equipped. As we headed off to the midwest and Hong Kong, I took with me a story of Christ's love and the testimony of its power to heal and change someone from the inside out. The girl who could barely say her name in front of a crowd back in March, was leading worship and speaking in front of churches by the end of June.
Now it's come full circle. As I head out to West Virginia this fall, I will be one of those staff members of a DTS. I will, with the Holy Spirit's guidance, take these students I'm given on a journey closer to the heart of their Savior. Believe it or not, I will even be doing a little bit of teaching. I'm buckling up, not knowing what God is about to do, but knowing with all of my heart that I want to be a part of it.